You can feel it in the air. November begins a season of long-held traditions, family gathers, and the holiday season. This year, however, may look a little different due to COVID-19. What once taken as a standing event is now spurring conversations about what to do.
People have different positions on how they feel about COVID-19, social distancing, and wearing masks. That difference may create some uncomfortable conversations this holiday season if you decide to decline upcoming events. In a small poll that we conducted, we found the following:
-
37% said that they would not be gathering with family this holiday season
-
44% have family members who shared that they will not be gathering with others this holiday season
-
32% felt pressure from family to attend
-
23% said that they encouraged family members to travel
-
62% said that they would be comfortable having family over
If you’re struggling with how to bow out of Thanksgiving dinner or tell your parents that you won’t be flying in for Christmas this year, we have some tips that will help make it easier.
Timing is everything.
Make time to talk to your family when you’re not feeling stressed or overwhelmed. Time the conversation during a time when you can have a respectful discussion.
Use “I” instead of “you.”
The best way to ignite a heated conversation is to use the “you” statements. “I won’t be attending because you are not following the rules in regards to social distancing.” This type of conversation will immediately place the other person in defense mode. Instead, only use “I” statements, such as, “I feel more comfortable staying home on Thanksgiving.” You don’t have to add “because of COVID-19” if you don’t want to. Your friends and family should respect your decision.
Offer alternatives.
Offering alternate solutions can open conversations for different ways to find a solution that works best for everyone. Two possibilities include moving the event outdoors, if weather permits, or having members join via Zoom.
Be aware of emotions.
People usually worry about having to deal with one of three different emotions when situations like this occur.
- Anger
- Disappointment
- Guilt
Mentally prepare yourself before having the conversation that the other person may feel these and project it onto you. They may get angry and respond similarly, only escalating the emotions and failing to resolve anything. Instead, listen to what they are saying and calmly respond with, “I understand that you’re angry, but this is the best for our family.” Let them know that you hear them. Be polite yet firm in your conversations.
Be there without being there.
Let them know how you feel and that you wish you were able to be there. Send a wine and cheese basket for the guests to enjoy or a dessert with a heartfelt note.
Some other key points to keep in mind are:
- Give yourself permission to decline an event.
- Distance yourself from “being right.” The conversation isn’t about one being right and the other being wrong. Have respect for each other.
- Be polite yet firm.
