Rediscover Yourself After Your Children Have Grown

I remember hearing a story message of a plant outgrowing a pot but not yet ready to inhabit the next size up. The speaker described the plant as literally dangling in midair. As I think about the journey of parenthood and rediscovering yourself after your children have grown, this image comes to mind. This notion of dangling in one’s life can conjure a lot of feelings.

While rediscovering yourself, there is a portal of possibility available to you. You may feel joy at the thought of your children embarking on their unique journeys. On the other hand, maybe you feel void of purpose as your ways of showing up are in flux. Perhaps you feel suspended in a vortex of uncertainty, or maybe you aren’t yet able to name the feeling accompanying you in this new chapter of your life. Wherever you find yourself, I invite you to move forward, holding everything open for a whole new way.

In this stance, you can begin to cultivate five essential qualities into your life: deep listening, compassion, flexibility, curiosity, and love.

• Deep Listening. This quality is essential to rediscovering yourself. I’m suggesting you listen with your whole being. Listen with your heart, your ears, your eyes, your entire essence. Ask yourself, “What skills and resources do I need to develop so I can achieve my goals and dreams?”
• Compassion. Maybe this is the first time you have even contemplated who you are or how you move in the world without your children in tow. Bring a blanket of compassion to wrap around yourself. This isn’t a linear journey, friends. This is a continual deep dive of discovery. Ask yourself, “As I navigate this new road before me, what compassionate act might I show myself today?”
• Flexibility. In this new season, how can you embody the essence of flexibility in your movements, in your thoughts, and in your posture with life? During the sometimes-rigid routines and schedules of life, how can your internal and external flexibility help you navigate this new part path?  Ask yourself, “Where am I willing to be more flexible?”
• Curiosity. This friend is one of my favorite companions for the journey. Curiosity allows an even deeper conversation with life to unfold. Curiosity assists you in digging below the surface to discover your passions, your talents, and the ways of being that support the life you are creating. Ask yourself, “If there were no limits on my life, how would I want to spend this day before me?”
• Love. Love escorts us into the unknown and invites us to notice what sets our hearts ablaze. Perhaps it’s been a while since you sat down with this steadfast friend and inquired deep within your heart. What do you want love to be?  Travel back in time to a younger version of you that was loving life. Ask yourself, “From this space, what advice would I give myself today?”

Breathe deeply and be gentle with yourself as you explore new possibilities and move in new ways. Enjoy the process of discovery and rediscovery! Wishing you fierce courage as you begin to author this new chapter of your life.

Sarah Dickey is an author, an Association for Prenatal and Perinatal Psychology and Health (APPPAH) birth educator and coach who is deeply devoted to honoring the evolving woman’s journey. Her latest book, Holding: The Conscious Art of Embracing, is out now. You can find out more about her work in the world at www.sarahldickey.com.